fucking hell, why i am so fucked up in the head. i’m incurable. 

sometimes i just don’t find very many striking reasons to live

i’m so sick and miserable. someone come hold me and let me cry against your t-shirt. i’m just looking for affection but affection really isn’t what’s best for me right now.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

the pills have numbed me to the point where i can’t even finish the familiar sentence of, “i want to kill myself.” this is not a positive change.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i start celexa tomorrow. i’m anxious to see what kind of side effects will crop up within the next week. this is my first anti-depressant and i’ve been struggling with this shit for four years. it’s necessary and i want to make a positive change in my life, but at what cost?

can anyone accurately describe the side effects they experienced when starting celexa?

i almost killed myself the other night. but i didn’t, and that’s what matters.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i want to go back to a therapist but we can’t afford it

maybe when i get a job i can pay for my own therapist

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

bet if i killed myself we wouldn’t be able to even afford a funeral

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i’m still alive.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i have exactly one week to make sure this new years eve isn’t total shit like the past 16 new years eves have been.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i am the abnormal other half, the cube

being forced by

child’s hands into the circular hole,

i am the mutt shot out in the woods because i

am no good.

they wheel me around in my

iron lung, assuming i am

happy.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

someday soon i hope i can get a boyfriend and put all my friends on the back burner too. then they’ll know how it feels.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

1. i am too high maintenance and maybe a tad bit vain
2. my feminist side of me is a tad bit too intimidating
3. my vegetarian side makes things difficult
4. trust issues (read next)
5. somehow i think that it’s ok for me to smoke and drink, but i get turned off if he smokes or drinks (but that’s really just because i don’t know if i can trust him when he isn’t sober)
6. i have no idea where i stand with religion
7. my seemingly depressing (but actually very in-depth) outlook on life is probably unattractive
8. acne :-(
9. i shop at thrift stores and wear old people clothes
10. i drive and he probably doesn’t
11. i still pity myself from time to time for being single and then freak out that i’ll always be alone no matter what
12. really awkward and self-conscious 99.9999999% of the time
13. angsty and misunderstood
14. no job
15. emotional and complicated and probably way too much for him too handle

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)

i am extremely depressed and i need help.

today i am 16 years old. my goodness.

(Source: cl-o-s-ure)